“Suicide is selfish”
You know what’s selfish? Not actually talking to someone about their problem and changing their mind, and calling them selfish and making them feel even worse about themselves.
^^^ It really makes me sad when people say things like “I like food too much” or “I hate working out” .. honestly, all I hear is “I don’t want it bad enough”
^THIS! I feel like I hear a lot of people use those excuses. Um… I like food too. Once I walked 2 miles each way to get a slice of honey mustard pizza. I didn’t really like working out when I started either but apparently I force it on my body so much my body has given in and is like, okay, this is what we do now? I guess we like this now? Every single excuse goes in my ears as “I care enough to think/whine about it but not expend any effort.” Those people don’t deserve it yet.
A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation
When something bad happens: True is it that we have seen better days.
When something REALLY bad happens: O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so: The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
When my girlfriend abandons me for food: FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them: BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
When I burn something while cooking: MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
When human stupidity frustrates me: LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins: NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
When I'm broke: My pride fell with my fortunes
When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues: OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
When someone disagrees with me: THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
When I argue with my girlfriend: The course of true love never did run smooth.
When I'm embarrassed: MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
Someone says "Good Night": Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
